This is Juliet's balcony in Verona.
This Juliet was calling down, in German, to her Romeo – who was taking photos from the cobbled courtyard below.
In no more than 200 words, imagine what she's thinking. (NB: 5 senses)
Wherefore art thou Helmut?
This is Juliet's balcony in Verona.
This Juliet was calling down, in German, to her Romeo – who was taking photos from the cobbled courtyard below.
In no more than 200 words, imagine what she's thinking. (NB: 5 senses)
Knock, knock
In 10 minutes, write down:
Who lives behind this door?
What's the name of the street?
Which country?
What building is opposite?
What happens here?
What happened last night?
Who was involved?
Boot
Whose is it?
Where is it?
Where has it been?
Where is it going?
Why?
Write the 200-word first paragraph of an article for a newspaper travel section, based on the answers.
Play with the language, as in this...
... list from the Washington Post's Style section. They asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some of the winners:
- Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with.
- Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
- Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
- Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
- Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
- Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously.
- Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
- Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
- Glibido: All talk and no action.
- Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
- Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people, that stops bright ideas from penetrating.
- Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
- Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
- Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
- Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
- Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
- Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
- Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with.
- Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
- Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
- Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
- Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
- Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously.
- Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
- Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
- Glibido: All talk and no action.
- Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
- Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people, that stops bright ideas from penetrating.
- Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
- Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
- Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
- Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
- Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
- Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
Pick a pic
This pic and the two that follow all belong to the exercise below - Sensual writing for sensual readers...
Sensual writing for sensual readers
Ranulph Fiennes, who has a long list of bestselling books to his name (which is in its full self a long list...), told me the other day that when he started writing his agent gave him two pieces of advice on style:
- get rid of every adjective and adverb
- look back at each page when you review the day's work and make sure that somewhere you have engaged all five senses. Check that there's some reference to smell, taste, touch, as well as sight and sound.
So here's your task for the day:
- look at the three pictures above.
- pick one, and think yourself into that picture. Feel the temperature, sniff the air, put your hands out and touch, discover what you can taste, listen to what's around you, look at details, shadows, shapes.
- write 200 words describing the scene using all 5 senses. Keep it subtle. Avoid adjectives. Keep verbs active.
- get rid of every adjective and adverb
- look back at each page when you review the day's work and make sure that somewhere you have engaged all five senses. Check that there's some reference to smell, taste, touch, as well as sight and sound.
So here's your task for the day:
- look at the three pictures above.
- pick one, and think yourself into that picture. Feel the temperature, sniff the air, put your hands out and touch, discover what you can taste, listen to what's around you, look at details, shadows, shapes.
- write 200 words describing the scene using all 5 senses. Keep it subtle. Avoid adjectives. Keep verbs active.
The glory of English (well, American English)
Your task, should you choose to accept it:
Write a short using the word 'down' in as many ways as possible. Here's an example using 'up':
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or to the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.
A drain must be opened UP because it is blocked UP.
We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When it stops raining we say it is clearing UP. When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so... Time to shut UP.
Write a short using the word 'down' in as many ways as possible. Here's an example using 'up':
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or to the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.
A drain must be opened UP because it is blocked UP.
We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When it stops raining we say it is clearing UP. When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so... Time to shut UP.
Laugh and learn
Glorious examples of how-not-to-do-it imagery (imagery = painting pictures with words)
* The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
* McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup.
* Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
* Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
* The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
* His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a tumble dryer.
* Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left York at 6:36 pm travelling at 55 mph, the other from Peterborough at 4:19pm at a speed of 35 mph.
* The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red crayon.
* The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the interview portion of Family Fortunes.
* The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
* Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."
* She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
* It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.
* The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a lamppost.
* The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free cash point.
* It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with their power tools.
* He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a dustcart reversing.
* She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
* It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
Morning exercise
A quickie:
- Tear up some blank paper into 30 bits. On 10, write down a list of jobs or occupations; on another 10, write a list of objects; on the third 10, a list of living creatures.
- Put each lot into a separate box or bag or saucepan.
- Every morning for the next 10 days, pull out one from each pot, at random.
- Then work out how they're linked.
- This isn't a quiz, but an imaginative exercise - be surreal if you like - just don’t go for the obvious.
eg:
Ratcatcher + spoon + sheep
Dinner lady + hose + beetle
Roofer + calculator + rabbit
Gondolier + apple + magpie
Be warned: this could get addictive.
Meeting people in your head - 10 min exercise
Take an old magazine, colour supplement, mail order catalogue – anything that has pictures of people, and that you are happy to rip apart.
Tear or cut out pictures of six people – as varied a group as you can find. Turn them face down, or put them in a box, saucepan, bag – any container. Then with your eyes shut, pick out two bits of paper. Have a good look at them. You now have 10 minutes to get to know the first few facts about them:
- What is their relationship?
- What are their names?
- What language(s) do they speak?
- Where were they born?
- Where do they live now?
If you're not already fascinated by them, and finding that you know them intimately, you can now spend as long as you like watching them. Don't forget to write down what you learn...
- What binds them together or keeps them apart?
- What will happen to them tomorrow?
Tear or cut out pictures of six people – as varied a group as you can find. Turn them face down, or put them in a box, saucepan, bag – any container. Then with your eyes shut, pick out two bits of paper. Have a good look at them. You now have 10 minutes to get to know the first few facts about them:
- What is their relationship?
- What are their names?
- What language(s) do they speak?
- Where were they born?
- Where do they live now?
If you're not already fascinated by them, and finding that you know them intimately, you can now spend as long as you like watching them. Don't forget to write down what you learn...
- What binds them together or keeps them apart?
- What will happen to them tomorrow?
Writers on writing
You must often make erasures if you mean to write what is worthy of being read a second time; and don't labor for the admiration of the crowd, but be content with a few choice readers.
~ Horace ~
A writer and nothing else; a man alone in a room with the English language, trying to get human feelings right.
~ John K. Hutchens ~
The greatest part of a writer's time is spent in reading, in order to write; a man will turn over half a library to make one book.
~ Samuel Johnson ~
Never write anything that does not give you great pleasure. Emotion is easily transferred from the writer to the reader.
~ Joseph Joubert ~
The cure for writers cramp is writer's block.
~ Inigo de Leon ~
The shelf life of the modern hardback writer is somewhere between the milk and the yogurt.
~ John Mortimer ~
To be a good diarist, one must have a snouty, sneaky mind.
~ Harold Nicolson ~
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
~ Flannery O'Connor ~
The art of writing is the art of applying the seat of the pants to the seat of the chair.
~ Mary Heaton Vorse ~
I love being a writer, what I can't stand is the paperwork.
~ Peter De Vries ~
~ Horace ~
A writer and nothing else; a man alone in a room with the English language, trying to get human feelings right.
~ John K. Hutchens ~
The greatest part of a writer's time is spent in reading, in order to write; a man will turn over half a library to make one book.
~ Samuel Johnson ~
Never write anything that does not give you great pleasure. Emotion is easily transferred from the writer to the reader.
~ Joseph Joubert ~
The cure for writers cramp is writer's block.
~ Inigo de Leon ~
The shelf life of the modern hardback writer is somewhere between the milk and the yogurt.
~ John Mortimer ~
To be a good diarist, one must have a snouty, sneaky mind.
~ Harold Nicolson ~
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
~ Flannery O'Connor ~
The art of writing is the art of applying the seat of the pants to the seat of the chair.
~ Mary Heaton Vorse ~
I love being a writer, what I can't stand is the paperwork.
~ Peter De Vries ~
Golden rules from Fifi Le Trix
Use all of your senses when you're writing. It's not just about what you can see, but what you can hear, smell, taste and feel too. The easiest way to draw your reader into the text is by helping them to imagine themselves in your position. And if you use all five senses, then you're four or five times more likely to achieve it.
Keep it simple. Writing something striking and passionate doesn't mean swallowing a thesaurus to do it. Some of the most memorable quotes I can think of 'I have a dream...', 'Friends, Romans, Countrymen...' are all the better for being simple. And it's much easier for other people to read if they don't have to query the meaning of the words you've chosen, in order to understand what you're trying to say.
Repetition: try not to rely on the same words all of the time. You might not even notice you're doing it, but it'll jump straight off to the page to the reader. Think about more creative and concise ways of saying the same thing, if necessary. Repeating a phrase to create emphasis can be a really strong tool, but if you've got a favourite phrase that you use over and over again, it'll start to drive your readers nuts.
Cut out unnecessary words. We want short extracts, full of colour, passion and vibrancy. Don't use lots of words like 'actually', 'really' or 'totally' - they don't add anything. Think about each word, and decide if it really adds meaning to your sentence. If it doesn't, be brutal. Cut it out.
And finally...
Read your piece aloud. It'll give you a clearer grasp of the rhythm and the tone of the piece. Are the sentences too long? Is the punctuation unclear? If you read what you have to say out loud, you'll have a much better idea. Things that may appear obvious to you - the writer - on paper might be much trickier to read out loud. Try it...
Keep it simple. Writing something striking and passionate doesn't mean swallowing a thesaurus to do it. Some of the most memorable quotes I can think of 'I have a dream...', 'Friends, Romans, Countrymen...' are all the better for being simple. And it's much easier for other people to read if they don't have to query the meaning of the words you've chosen, in order to understand what you're trying to say.
Repetition: try not to rely on the same words all of the time. You might not even notice you're doing it, but it'll jump straight off to the page to the reader. Think about more creative and concise ways of saying the same thing, if necessary. Repeating a phrase to create emphasis can be a really strong tool, but if you've got a favourite phrase that you use over and over again, it'll start to drive your readers nuts.
Cut out unnecessary words. We want short extracts, full of colour, passion and vibrancy. Don't use lots of words like 'actually', 'really' or 'totally' - they don't add anything. Think about each word, and decide if it really adds meaning to your sentence. If it doesn't, be brutal. Cut it out.
And finally...
Read your piece aloud. It'll give you a clearer grasp of the rhythm and the tone of the piece. Are the sentences too long? Is the punctuation unclear? If you read what you have to say out loud, you'll have a much better idea. Things that may appear obvious to you - the writer - on paper might be much trickier to read out loud. Try it...
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