Use all of your senses when you're writing. It's not just about what you can see, but what you can hear, smell, taste and feel too. The easiest way to draw your reader into the text is by helping them to imagine themselves in your position. And if you use all five senses, then you're four or five times more likely to achieve it.
Keep it simple. Writing something striking and passionate doesn't mean swallowing a thesaurus to do it. Some of the most memorable quotes I can think of 'I have a dream...', 'Friends, Romans, Countrymen...' are all the better for being simple. And it's much easier for other people to read if they don't have to query the meaning of the words you've chosen, in order to understand what you're trying to say.
Repetition: try not to rely on the same words all of the time. You might not even notice you're doing it, but it'll jump straight off to the page to the reader. Think about more creative and concise ways of saying the same thing, if necessary. Repeating a phrase to create emphasis can be a really strong tool, but if you've got a favourite phrase that you use over and over again, it'll start to drive your readers nuts.
Cut out unnecessary words. We want short extracts, full of colour, passion and vibrancy. Don't use lots of words like 'actually', 'really' or 'totally' - they don't add anything. Think about each word, and decide if it really adds meaning to your sentence. If it doesn't, be brutal. Cut it out.
And finally...
Read your piece aloud. It'll give you a clearer grasp of the rhythm and the tone of the piece. Are the sentences too long? Is the punctuation unclear? If you read what you have to say out loud, you'll have a much better idea. Things that may appear obvious to you - the writer - on paper might be much trickier to read out loud. Try it...
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